The Weekly Croissant: Playing Bach

(And taking a break from adulthood)

Happy Sunday Ya Beauties!

I am writing this on a Thursday, in preparation for a busy weekend of laser eye surgery followed by a couple of gigs in Savannah, GA. So, by the time you receive this, unless the trusty surgeon has a shaky hand and things go horribly wrong, I should have perfect vision. 20/20 BABY!

I’ve been at home this week, and enjoying some downtime. I can’t wear my contacts in the days leading up to this surgery, and being me, I only have one pair of glasses that I bought for $20 from cheapeyeglasses.com (or something like that) and accidentally spray painted the front of, so I can barely see past 3 ft in front of me. It makes it very hard to feel productive, ha. So I’ve been embracing the post-tour rest-up.

However, I have learned over the years that the fiddle is a very unforgiving instrument. If I go too long without playing, my chops diminish quickly and I will be out of tune and stiff-sounding when I need to perform. This week, I’m not feeling inspired to learn new fiddle tunes, and don’t have a specific project to practice for. So, I’ve started turning to the Bach Sonatas and Partitas that I worked on in my violin lessons as a teenager. This is something I started doing during the pandemic when I had no gigs at all and was similarly panicking about staying in shape without any motivation to play. I just open up to a random page and try to play through these old movements that are embedded deep in my brain, not worrying too much about musicality, more just thinking about playing in tune and in time.

Playing Bach brings me an immense sense of calm, and it makes me realize, as a freelancer, (or maybe just as an adult?!), what a relief it is to just be told what to do. Here are some notes; Play them! Suddenly, I’m back in my parents’ dining room, smelling brown rice cooking and hearing everyone come home from work and school, yelling about various things and slamming doors. I have a teacher to report to, homework to do, a regular schedule, grades to tell me how I’m doing, and no bills! There is something meditative about this practice that I don’t think has much to do with Bach (No shade on Bach, love me some Bach).

There’s also a lot of sense memory, some of which is not about smelling or hearing but rather about a mentality; a feeling of safety and endless possibility. Not yet being in charge of your own life, but believing that whatever lies ahead will be amazing and that you will be able to succeed at it. A trust in the ways of the world. A naivety maybe, about what it means to be calling all the shots.

If I’m honest, a lot of my life since I first learned these Bach Sonatas and Partitas has been amazing, and probably beyond my wildest dreams at that age; getting to go on tour, playing music professionally, and meeting so many of the folks I idolized at that time. Falling in love and getting married, living in a little cabin on the river. Traveling, partying, getting tattoos, buying overpriced coffee whenever I want to.

But there’s a heaviness to adulthood, as well. The relentless way you have to push yourself forward without anyone telling you “Good Job!” “A+”. The realization of the many ways I am not the voice that the world needs to hear at this moment in time. The humbling discoveries of my own privileges, and the unjust nature of just about everything. Reaching an age where you start to see possibilities fall away as you dig in and commit in other directions…

Adulthood can be a hard pill to swallow. Luckily, I have this music to turn to. Not music that I have to write myself, improvise parts for, produce, or consider. Music that I can just read through (quite poorly), do what I’m told, and take a break from calling the shots. Thanks, JS!

OK, quick before I sign off here—-

WHO CAN GUESS WHAT THIS IS?????

Most correct OR CREATIVE answer wins! I’m not sure what you win yet but you win.

Yours in pastry,

Rachel